Food for Thought 4

How do you like your eggs, Shraddha? :

Remember the movie, ” The Runaway Bride”?

In the movie Julia Roberts' character Maggie Carpenter doesn't know how she likes her eggs… she always eats them the way her then fiancé prefers.

When Ike Graham (Richard Gere) asks Maggie how she would like her eggs, she says, "Whatever you're having".

Ike keeps on nudging Maggie, and she then reveals that she has no idea… if she is left to her own devices, she doesn’t know how she likes her eggs!!

Later in the movie, Maggie prepares eggs for herself in every way imaginable, tasting each one of them, and finally figures out how she likes them. Eggs Benedict is her choice!!!

Back to Shraddha….

I recently had an “Eggs Benedict” moment, thanks to my daughter pressing me into trying something new…

I was trying to find someone to accompany me to a movie that I was planning to watch for a long time… unfortunately all my friends and family were preoccupied and weren’t available…

This is when my daughter really got into her convincing shoes and nudged me go and watch the movie alone. She always reminds me of the more self-assured and independent being that I used to be!!

Life happened, Selflessness caught on and Self Prioritizing went into Hibernation mode….

After a lot of convincing and contemplating both ways, I finally decided to go for the movie alone and now, I can’t thank my daughter enough💕💜💕

Going to the movie alone that day really gave me a feeling of being Liberated and being Empowered!!

The “Eggs Benedict” moment was in realizing that...

1) If the movie IS important then I CAN go and watch it alone….

2) Given a choice, I would still prefer going with friends and/or family because for me, the overall experience and the discussions and coffee after, also matters😄😆

3) I need to keep on taking chances at so many small things again to rediscover my choices and preferences…

Self Prioritizing Vs Selflessness

At 50, I realize that I have now gone through a long part of my life without acknowledging what I really like, sometimes not even bothering to know what I really like or want, and always accommodating others….

I think this is also a habit most women unknowingly get into while playing the “Ideal Home maker” bit. I too was an easy prey for this habit and fell into the pattern of not prioritizing myself over others ….

It has taken me a lot of time and mind churning to realize that prioritizing oneself isn’t necessarily being Selfish!! And, Always prioritizing others isn’t Being Selfless either!!!

Rather, it can be an act of self-love and self-preservation which can lead to more fulfilling, healthier and more positive life experiences. I think this can also improve mental health by having positive effects on self-motivation and self-confidence. In fact , Prioritizing oneself can actually demonstrate Self-Respect and Self Worth.

In that sense, then Prioritizing yourself IS an act of service to yourself !!

This Journey of Prioritizing Oneself starts with knowing yourself & your choices in the first place. It is like rediscovering something that has always taken a backseat or has been forgotten completely. It is like rediscovering yourself all over again…. Having as many “Eggs Benedict” moments as you can…

For me, this journey IS very very important and this is keeping  me Feeling Empowered!!!

Food for Thought 3

 In Pursuit of Perfection :   

“Work hard and Strive for Excellence” has been ingrained in me since my childhood….. 

But, I am not able to exactly pin-point a time in my life when I started equating this to "whatever I do needs to be Perfect!!" Or “ Perfect- is what I need to deliver- Always!!”

After this wrong interpretation took roots , probably Nothing  has ever been good enough….. I was always behind achieving the perfect spot in life, the perfectly manicured home, the perfectly brought up kids, the perfectly straitened bedsheet, trying to be the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect mother, the perfect host , the perfect This and the perfect That……

Perfectionism, I now feel, may be a negative core belief that has affected my thought process and it surely trickled down to affect my actions.... And on the way, it may have bruised some loved ones around me….

The big difference between Striving and Striving for Perfection is in the effort and the focus of the effort…. 

When Striving, Effort mainly focuses on the work done. But when one is on the Self-inflicted  Pursuit to Perfection, the focus is on the  perfect result. 

So I think, Perfectionism should never be confused with striving for excellence.

I see a lot of people around me (who take pride BTW in) declaring themselves as having OCD.  Working hard and doing their best isnt  achievement enough for them. Achieving is equated to Perfecting - a perfect score card, a perfect home/ wardrobe/ un ruffled hair and life…. for those wrestling with perfectionism, giving their best  shot  just isn’t enough, and they’ll strive to be perfect at the expense of their own health and wellness. 

This kind of  Perfectionism has to be considered a weakness because it actually leads to a number of negative outcomes. And believe me, I have experienced some of them myself!!

There can be a long list of negative outcomes, some of them being Perpetual Stress, Fear or Undue Pressure of Failure, Mental health issues -  Depression, Anxiety disorders, OCD and Eating disorders, and so on.

😔😏Hmmm…. It took me a really long time in life to realize something was wrong with me…. 

After painful muscle spasms in the neck and everlasting Trapezitis,  GERD and Anxiety,  Migraine, Feeling Suffocated and still putting up a smiling face in front of the world,  I think I finally began my journey to recovery.…  probably just after I turned 40 .

I don’t consider myself fully healed but I now have a small, ever evolving, “work in progress” checklist  to correct myself and, trust me, I have to use it very often.  

I am Sharing it here…. Do Feel free to use it….

And  do let me know if you feel something can be added to the list….  

THE RECOVERY LIST:

1) Am I  Setting myself up for disappointment? 

Expecting to Achieve absolute faultlessness will lead to disappointment for sure!!

I now look at a range or a bracket wherein things are still good enough  and can make me happy.

2) Should I Reframe my expectations?

Whenever someone other than me is involved, I do think about reframing  my expectations…. It can be a mutual decision as to what good achievement means… This helps to keep my relationship intactwith the person involved.

3) Is this making me Unapprochable? 

Not everyone is infatuated with the idea of perfection…. And not everyone has the same idea of Perfection as well. 

I try to let go of certain things or actions to maintain my Approchability with others around me.

4)Am I Recognizing the efforts of others? 

I feel the more I appreciate the efforts, the more it makes me happier inside…

The happiness inside is helping me to learn to appreciate others more… this is an upward spiral😊 

5) Practise Self-compassion!   

One Big Realization -  Being kind and Compassionate equates to prioritizing  oneself  AND knowing where to STOP !!

{😄🙏PS : Remember, It is NOT expected to be the Best, Most Comprehensive and the Ultimate Guideline for Recovery… }

But, 

This is my cue to stop for today and a remember that “Pobody is Nerfect!!!”

Food for Thought 2

Starting afresh on the other side of the 50 ….

As I said earlier, 

A few thoughts have been playing on my mind for some time now…

Some thought processes need to change, some things need to move forward and some things need validation to stay put where they are!!

Sharing my 1st thought.... This one took me around in circles till I was dizzy...... 

What is the Purpose of My life :  I have spent numerous moments in the past couple of years pondering over the real purpose of my life… trying to  find something meaningful about this life… finding a tangible reason to do all this, everyday, each day…

I have also spent time thinking about why I am searching for a meaning or purpose only now… when I am on the verge of the Golden number 50.

The funny part is, I even tried to find the dictionary meaning for this😆…. And was unable to find a clear definition. The search  just kept on  leading me back and forth to the same words:  higher purpose, greater good, a more meaningful reason to live, work, etc…

What is this “etc”???

This ETC is a loose term, always left open to interpretation  and exploration… whatever may be of value or priority or significance or Purpose for its reader at that point in time in their life…. 

So, then what should be my "greater purpose" on this side of 50??🤔

Knock knock!!!! 

No Definite Answer from Within...

And yes, does that also mean that what I have done until now had no greater purpose? 

That these children I raised who are now independent and responsible human beings, didn't satisfy a "greater purpose?"

That the relationships I worked hard to cherish and mend and bend myself to keep this family going wasn't a "greater purpose?"

Being aware of the Environment Outside…. Trying to do things to keep my Carbon footprint as low as possible…  wasn’t a "greater purpose”?

Being aware of the Environment Inside me… Trying to keep Equilibrium and adapting new styles of thinking... Wasn't a "greater purpose"?

Counseling clients to make correct food choices for themselves, inspite of what the Ad world tells them… wasn’t a “greater purpose”?

This list just goes on…..

Finally, After doing the circles a couple of times…. I have decided to Course -correct… 

This side of 50, I will continue to be Myself and trust the Flow of Life !! 

The pressure and Façade of having a greater purpose to Life is OVER…  

Food for Thought 1

Closing Notes on The 50th birthday….

The Prayer :

Completing 5 decades of life has been a wonderous journey so far… I have felt a constant grace being showered upon me and am in complete gratitude for this Grace….

The feeling of being safe and secure and surrounded by loved ones is something  I will not trade for any other thing in life!! Barring a few turns of life, that really shook me from the roots and derailed me, I will not like to change a single thing so far…

I have a simple prayer, on this day and for all the days to come…  I wish that this Grace remains upon me and guides me towards more wonderous moments and keeps me surrounded with loved ones…. Always🙏 

They say Life Begins at 51...  and what you do earlier was just Practice😄 

Starting afresh on the other side of the 50 ….

A few thoughts have been playing on my mind for some time now…

Some thought processes need to change, some things need to move forward and some things need validation to stay put where they are!!

Penning down my thoughts and feelings is a catharsis in itself and helps me to crystallize  and commit to them….

Also, Journaling  is something I am not good at but still want to try my hand at.

Rather than starting at a new address, I want to continue writing here and call it “Food for Thought” …

So… “Food for Thought “ will be an adjunct of  “Diet for Modern Lifestyles” from now on….

Hoping you all find this interesting as well….

Awaiting positive support😊🙏