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In Pursuit of Perfection :
“Work hard and Strive for Excellence” has been ingrained in me since my childhood…..
But, I am not able to exactly pin-point a time in my life when I started equating this to "whatever I do needs to be Perfect!!" Or “ Perfect- is what I need to deliver- Always!!”
After this wrong interpretation took roots , probably Nothing has ever been good enough….. I was always behind achieving the perfect spot in life, the perfectly manicured home, the perfectly brought up kids, the perfectly straitened bedsheet, trying to be the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect mother, the perfect host , the perfect This and the perfect That……
Perfectionism, I now feel, may be a negative core belief that has affected my thought process and it surely trickled down to affect my actions.... And on the way, it may have bruised some loved ones around me….
The big difference between Striving and Striving for Perfection is in the effort and the focus of the effort….
When Striving, Effort mainly focuses on the work done. But when one is on the Self-inflicted Pursuit to Perfection, the focus is on the perfect result.
So I think, Perfectionism should never be confused with striving for excellence.
I see a lot of people around me (who take pride BTW in) declaring themselves as having OCD. Working hard and doing their best isnt achievement enough for them. Achieving is equated to Perfecting - a perfect score card, a perfect home/ wardrobe/ un ruffled hair and life…. for those wrestling with perfectionism, giving their best shot just isn’t enough, and they’ll strive to be perfect at the expense of their own health and wellness.
This kind of Perfectionism has to be considered a weakness because it actually leads to a number of negative outcomes. And believe me, I have experienced some of them myself!!
There can be a long list of negative outcomes, some of them being Perpetual Stress, Fear or Undue Pressure of Failure, Mental health issues - Depression, Anxiety disorders, OCD and Eating disorders, and so on.
๐๐Hmmm…. It took me a really long time in life to realize something was wrong with me….
After painful muscle spasms in the neck and everlasting Trapezitis, GERD and Anxiety, Migraine, Feeling Suffocated and still putting up a smiling face in front of the world, I think I finally began my journey to recovery.… probably just after I turned 40 .
I don’t consider myself fully healed but I now have a small, ever evolving, “work in progress” checklist to correct myself and, trust me, I have to use it very often.
I am Sharing it here…. Do Feel free to use it….
And do let me know if you feel something can be added to the list….
THE RECOVERY LIST:
1) Am I Setting myself up for disappointment?
Expecting to Achieve absolute faultlessness will lead to disappointment for sure!!
I now look at a range or a bracket wherein things are still good enough and can make me happy.
2) Should I Reframe my expectations?
Whenever someone other than me is involved, I do think about reframing my expectations…. It can be a mutual decision as to what good achievement means… This helps to keep my relationship intactwith the person involved.
3) Is this making me Unapprochable?
Not everyone is infatuated with the idea of perfection…. And not everyone has the same idea of Perfection as well.
I try to let go of certain things or actions to maintain my Approchability with others around me.
4)Am I Recognizing the efforts of others?
I feel the more I appreciate the efforts, the more it makes me happier inside…
The happiness inside is helping me to learn to appreciate others more… this is an upward spiral๐
5) Practise Self-compassion!
One Big Realization - Being kind and Compassionate equates to prioritizing oneself AND knowing where to STOP !!
{๐๐PS : Remember, It is NOT expected to be the Best, Most Comprehensive and the Ultimate Guideline for Recovery… }
But,
This is my cue to stop for today and a remember that “Pobody is Nerfect!!!”
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